Counting the Costs
We should always be careful not to get so caught up in our right to be angry that we forfeit our right to be forgiven. One of the gifts of the grace of God is to be able to forgive others as He has forgiven us.
I had a dream this morning about a popular gospel singer who'd previously cheated on his wife. As a result, she didn't trust him and though she stayed, she never forgave. She surrounded herself with "friends & family" who pretended to want what was best for her, but really were out for blood...and money. Some wanted the marriage fail due to jealousy and others were motivated by greed.
The bitterness in this beautiful woman's heart was destroying her. It was aging her, distorting her beauty, confusing her thoughts and confounding her marriage. She resorted to practically setting him up with opportunities to fail her so that he'd fit the new image she had of him and prove worthy of the anger and accusations she held to so tightly. She was not only accusing him in her heart and before her friends and family, but also before God.
In the dream, I was able to share with her that because her husband had repented and asked for forgiveness from both her and God, in God's eyes her husband's sin had not just been forgiven but erased. However, her own unwillingness to forgive, deception about it and incessant complaining to others, were all before the face of the Lord without excuse or justification.
Her marriage had become about control. She had given him control over her emotional well-being and was fighting for control over him. I encouraged her to put her heart and trust in the hands of God who cannot fail her and allow Him to bring the healing, restoration and peace available to her, whether or not her husband failed her again. She had to fight against being redefined by what had been done to her and again find her value in the One who gave His life for her. She had to be willing to release her false protection of anger and fear and be willing to receive healing. This woman had to learn to trust that by forgiving her betrayer, she wasn't condoning, nor was she giving him license to do it again. Often emotional healing is more difficult to believe God for than physical healing. By forgiving him, she was setting herself free to continue to live in the promises God, Who cannot lie, has made abundantly available to her.
While this dream was about a woman who had been hurt by the infidelity of her husband, I quickly realized that the same holds true for any hurts that we may experience. Whether we have a need to forgive mom or dad, sister or brother, son or daughter, ex-husband, friend, neighbor, brother or sister in Christ, or co-worker, we have all been hurt. We have no choice in the matter, we will all be hurt. We do have the choice, however to decide what we will do with that hurt. 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV) tells us to cast all of our cares and anxieties on God, because He cares for us. This, is one of the biggests challenges we experience in our faith walk, but it is attached to one of the greatest promises...and warnings.
Matthew 6:14-15 (AMP) 14 "For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses."
